November 16

Great American Smokeout

 

Press Release: American Longevity Advisory Group (ALAG)

Today marks the traditional date for the “Great American Smokeout,” an event coordinated by the American Cancer Society.  Supported by multiple studies, beginning with the U.S. Surgeon General’s 1964 report on the health risks of tobacco and continuing into recent times, the group encouraged active smokers to suspend their habit for 24 hours – with the hope that many would choose the “Smokeout” date as a starting point for a more permanent rejection of tobacco products.

We at ALAG applaud the American Cancer Society’s earlier efforts to improve the health of our population.  However, recent apocalyptic episodes have caused us to re-examine long-held findings, and we’re writing now to communicate new guidelines.

First, many of our populations have already been dramatically reduced due to ongoing war casualties, atmospheric changes and resultant catastrophic weather patterns, and the emergence of giant irradiated insects.  Life expectancy estimates are very low.  In current conditions, most people will not survive long enough to develop the more fatal side effects of smoking.

Second, recent studies indicate that our transformed atmosphere is significantly more harmful than cigarette smoke.  One study poses an ironic conclusion: ongoing side effects from smoking, particularly COPD or other breathing difficulties, may actually be beneficial.  Weakened lungs, the study theorizes, might limit a person’s intake of our planet’s currently poisonous atmosphere.

With these findings in mind, ALAG recommends that current smokers might as well continue to indulge their habits – though we realize some may choose to observe today’s 24-hour abstention, for sentimental reasons.

In coming weeks, please watch for our revised guidelines on seatbelts and flossing.