August 16

National Tell a Joke Day

The Last ____________ on Earth (Part 5)

 

The speaker walks to the edge of the stage, taps the microphone, says, “Is this thing on?”

He laughs at his own joke, which is one of his trademarks.  “Who am I kidding.  This microphone is as dead as my whole family.”

The audience groans.

“What, too soon?”  He scans the small crowd, testing the mood of the room.  “Hey, I get it.  I lost my wife and three kids.  And that was before the bombs dropped.  Pretty careless, right?”

He consults his notes, changes the topic.  “Kids these days, you know?  They always think they have it tougher than we did.  Well, actually they do.”

Crickets chirping…

“Hey, um, who’s hungry out there?  I sometimes think the apocalypse was a big scam to get me to miss my mother-in-law’s cooking.  Man, I thought she was terrible, but now I’m making my own meals, and I don’t think spaghetti sauce is supposed to be purple, am I right?”

Someone in the audience boos.

“Oh, thanks for that.  You ever notice how men and women are different?   Like, a woman could get all excited about extra closet space, while the guy’s shouting that meteorite just tore down an interior wall!  Ha ha.  And remember that air filter kit the government gave out, you know, the wives were all ‘slot A is supposed to go into charcoal ring B,’ and the husband’s like, I never bother with instructions and just jams the pieces together and gets everybody killed, am I right?”

Some of the audience members get up to leave.  The last comic on Earth calls after them:

“I’m still working on my material.  Give me another shot next week, okay?”